CARNE AND QUESO
HAUSU (HOUSE) 1977 - Nobuhiko Obayahshi
"So Sam Raimi, Dario Argento, Russ Meyer and Roman Polanski all walk into a bar …"
The previous sentence was a title to a review I read of the movie Hausu (House). I was going to copy and paste that review here but... for shits, giggles and a wanting to practice writing I'm going to carry out that metaphorical preamble as far as I can. "So Sam Raimi, Dario Argento, Russ Meyer and Roman Polanski all walk into a bar after splitting 2 ounces of mushrooms. All were enthralled by a gaggle of teenage girls in school uniforms singing 60's bubble gum pop tunes on a karaoke machine and the lights pulsating neon light into every corner of the room. The directors in their psychedelic hypnosis did not notice the Japanese witch in a kimono float over the bar until she swung a long curved sword and lopped off Russ Meyer's head. Blood shot from Russ's severed neck until the bar floor was knee deep in blood. Roman Polanski screamed and sloshed his way towards the girls singing karaoke in the corner. The girls kept singing in Japanese even as they pulled his body apart and started to dance with his severed limbs. Sam Raimi backed up into a piano on the wall. The pianos keys started playing on thier own accord and the piano opened up in such a way that the keys appeared to be teeth. The piano swallowed Sam Raimi whole and sent streams of blood firing in every direction as the ghostly keys kept playing. So much blood was filling the bar at this point that Dario Argento was treading to keep afloat, he was spitting streams of blood so as not to swallow it. Finally as he was pressed against the ceiling by this inconceivable torrent of blood, guts, and severed limbs he thought to himself "Nessuno me lo ficca in culo!".
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